Friday, December 31, 2010

A Wish...

If the day before yesterday was the hardest day that we have gone through as a couple, since our eighteen and a half years together, then yesterday was the second hardest. We sat and talked of our loss, both smiling and crying at the many of Lucy's memories that we’d been left with. We both know that we’d done the right thing by her in her all too short time here, and that no dog could have given more love in return. 

If I am to take one thing from the gift of having Lucy as my companion it is her spirit for life. Lucy would not give up on the trail, on us or on anything that she attempted for that matter. She lived her life right until the end with joy, love and perhaps with just a touch of the devil too. To some she was just a dog perhaps, but to all who grew to know her she was so very much more.

I left the house early and loaded up the car heading towards the trails around Moel Famau, every action, from opening the tailgate to looking at the empty space in the rear view mirror brought a pang of pain and by the time I’d arrived my eyes were stinging with the salt of yet more tears. I walked for more miles than I have for a long time, passing so many places which brought visions of a thundering bog monster and her joyful spirit. The trials were foggy but there was no ‘spook game’ to creek my neck, just the silence such weather brings, with only some bare trees paying witness to my despondent passing.




As I came to the trail’s end I felt an easing, however slight, in my heart. I had not been alone after all upon the paths for the memory and spirit of Lucy had strolled along side of me, pushing me when I wanted to turn back, stilling my tears as I cried from the despair in my heart. She’s gone has my little girl, but her spirit remains out there on the trails where she waits until it’s my time to leave this world and once more tread new paths together, and until that time she’ll never, ever be forgotten.

This time of year we are asked what are our wishes and aims for the future ahead. I have only one; to live my life with the same spirit, joy and love with that our Lucy lived hers. 

We both would like to offer  heartfelt thanks for all the comments left upon the news of Lucy’s passing, each one helped a little and made myself and Clare understand a little that we are not alone in our love for Lucy – thank you all.
.

16 comments:

Diane-Sage Whiteowl said...

After these last few months have gone by I still find myself looking for "Dolly". Mere words cannot being to soothe your loss...but I do know what you are going thru.
Love from me to yours!

Gorges Smythe said...

Well said. Bless you.

Stephanie and Dustin said...

I'm so glad that Lucy's spirit walked by your side during your hike. Your aim for the future ahead could not be better. -stephanie

Emma said...

I am so, so sorry for the loss of Lucy.
Animals in my house are classed as family too, so I understand how you are feeling...Warmest wishes to you and Clare.

Emily said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Lucy was a special dog. There is a special place in our hearts for our animal friends. They are part of the family.

Leigh said...

Reading your post this morning was... indescribable... that first walk with out her... I know was tough.

You and Clare will continue to be in our thoughts and hearts.

All the best,
Leigh

Dog Hair in my Coffee said...

May 2011 hold as much love for you both as Lucy's life brought you, and less tears than her passing left you with. Thinking of you, and your pain, and hoping it lessens as the days go by, but that the memories stay bright and focused. Lots of love from across the pond....

2 Tramps said...

It does get easier with time - I promise. Our beloved fur family members are our opportunity to experience and share the full cycle of life, from baby to senior and beyond. The lessons are painful but so very full of blessings and memories that stay with us forever. We have two dogs in that special heaven and I sent a prayer up to our Amos and Angus to welcome dear Lucy.

Karen Thomason/Gordon Setter Crossing said...

I believe connections like yours and Clair's to Lucy, are only possible with great bonds of love. Obviously you all shared that with Lucy. You are a good man John, to honor Lucy as you have here. I believe you will see her again. Maybe we all will!

Claire@AreWeNearlyThereYet said...

A painful one but I think the only tonic really...so glad you made it out there, and back again, through the tears.
If only I was able to give you and Claire a hug I would, if only to make myself feel better really, this is so very painful...she was a special little lady who could capture the hearts of many whom she had never met.
Keep at it John.
Best Wishes, Love Claire. x

John Gray jgsheffield@hotmail.com said...

only a dog owner will understand just how you feel!
I understand...

Shoreman said...

Hi John. The pain will pass. It will just take time.

Mark

Wolfy said...

John, by offering up your wish for you (and all of us) to live and enjoy life as Lucy did hers, you're already part way there. All the best, my friend, in 2011

moschops said...

Lucy was a very lucky dog to have been loved and cherished and to have been given a full and happy doggy life in the great outdoors.

Animals are part of the family and anyone who thinks they arent are missing out big time!

thinking of you and Clare.
megan xx

Damn The Broccoli said...

Just coming back into reading after the break and I join the list of those a little upset.

There's nothing else I can add to what has been said, hell I cried when my pet rat had to be put down.

One last hug heading over your way.

Casey said...

Hey, John! I apologize for the lateness of this comment, but I have been without a keyboard for awhile.

There will still be solace to be found out on the trails, and the trails will probably play a big part in helping to ease everything surrounding this. If I have another piece of advice, not that I am the wisest of sages, I would say to keep walking the paths. That's good for just about every ill.

Take care.