A Last, sad post....

Now then me hearties it may well have escaped your notice that my last few previous posts have been a tad…er….Mmmm… shitty, ah that’s the word I’m looking for, yep shitty just about covers it me thinks. I’ve been toying with how to write this post for a few days now and it was whilst replying to a dear friend across the pond that the idea of what to put down and how to phrase it came to me, eureka thought I as I headed to the inner sanctum to whittle away on project 2 and collect my thoughts, bugger thought I as a couple of bottles of extremely nice cider were consumed whilst whittling away and my train of thought was slightly derailed.

To be honest though ‘shitty’ doesn’t really cover it but it’ll have to do because I’ve had enough of wallowing in the morass of my own self pity. No my troubles are far from over but do you know what? I’ve given up trying to make sense of it all, look around yourselves folks and you’ll always be able to find something that makes your troubles seem insignificant to say the least. Yes it’s always hard when pain and misery for what ever reason come knocking on your front door but eventually they will excuse themselves to make room for peace and happiness, it’ll just take a little time that’s all and believe me what may seem like an eternity for us is the tiniest of fractions of time in the whole scheme of things. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s all about perspective, about realising that something’s are not the end of the world no matter how emotional and upsetting they feel at the time, as the red rawness of heartache and pain dulls life does go on, the world keeps turning and the sun rises in the east and still sets in the west.

I feel that lately I’ve been blown about by a mighty storm, my emotions twisted and torn until I was numb and couldn’t focus or feel on anything clearly. Some kind folk reached out to me but I think that I may well have come across as some desperate wretch and perhaps they feel that they are well clear of me, for this I’m sorry for normally I’m pretty grounded and not forthcoming with my emotions, so if I’ve offended anyone or caused you to doubt my intentions then please know I’m truly sorry.

The thing about emotional storms is that they can break things inside of you, just like a forest of trees that has stood for many a year when the conditions are right (should that be wrong?) and the wind blows in a way that the trees are not prepared for then they may well be toppled to rot alone upon the forest floor, never to recover just like broken threads in your mind if you let life overcome you.

A realisation has slowly been creeping up on me quite stealthfully lately, not for me those blinding flashes of realisation and inspiration. Nope, it’s just a slow dawning that life is not going to stop just because I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been aided in bringing my keel back on an even footing by a couple of unlikely sources. Firstly a fellow blogger sometime ago recommended to me a book (Damn, reminds me that I’m overdue answering your last mail – oops), far before my present troubles began, upon Buddhism. Now you all know by now that I take religion and the like with the largest pinch of salt, no offence meant to anyone and their faith but it’s just not me I fear. Now this book didn’t force anything down your throat it just put over points that you could take or leave and apply to your life, hopefully allowing you to become a better person. It piqued my interest and I’ve since acquired a couple more. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not going to start chanting or the like and meat n cider is still on the menu but without me first realising it they were having an effect upon me and have helped (and are still helping me) me to put so much of what’s been wrong in my life recently into perspective, they haven't cured my woes n ills but at least I've got a handle upon them. Secondly a few of you bloggy types have kept up a barrage of support and even though I may not have said so I have really lent heavily upon your words and come to realise that there are so many good people out there with hearts of gold and beauty in their souls. I guess that you know who you are so I won’t embarrass you by naming names, but thank you all the same.

Sometimes we all need to lean upon something...

So what’s with the blog title eh? Last post or what? Well if you read the title it’s the ‘last sad post’, my blogging was never about crying out for help and pity, no it was there as a way of reaching out to all and sundry and if I brightened up just one persons life then all my clumsy words and thoughts had actually meant something. So is this my last post? No it most certainly is not (sorry if that upsets you) but it will be my last sad post, for you all deserve to have a smile now and then as long as I can just do that I’ll keep on writing for you and sharing my world with you, but just the happy bits. Life is so, so short and you lot do not need the Grumpster raising his head and lamenting upon how shitty the lot is that he's has been dealt, no you deserve far better than that so come on take my hand and walk my journey with me, as the saying goes, 'it's not the destination but the way there that truly counts'. 

What's done is done and can never be changed, the future is hidden from us so all we can do is live life in the moment doing the best we can to make it bearable and good for one and all. That’s right your going to be stuck with me and my Anglo Saxon filled musings for some time to come…. Did I hear someone say bugger at the back just then?

Your friend,

John