Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Last, sad post....

Now then me hearties it may well have escaped your notice that my last few previous posts have been a tad…er….Mmmm… shitty, ah that’s the word I’m looking for, yep shitty just about covers it me thinks. I’ve been toying with how to write this post for a few days now and it was whilst replying to a dear friend across the pond that the idea of what to put down and how to phrase it came to me, eureka thought I as I headed to the inner sanctum to whittle away on project 2 and collect my thoughts, bugger thought I as a couple of bottles of extremely nice cider were consumed whilst whittling away and my train of thought was slightly derailed.

To be honest though ‘shitty’ doesn’t really cover it but it’ll have to do because I’ve had enough of wallowing in the morass of my own self pity. No my troubles are far from over but do you know what? I’ve given up trying to make sense of it all, look around yourselves folks and you’ll always be able to find something that makes your troubles seem insignificant to say the least. Yes it’s always hard when pain and misery for what ever reason come knocking on your front door but eventually they will excuse themselves to make room for peace and happiness, it’ll just take a little time that’s all and believe me what may seem like an eternity for us is the tiniest of fractions of time in the whole scheme of things. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s all about perspective, about realising that something’s are not the end of the world no matter how emotional and upsetting they feel at the time, as the red rawness of heartache and pain dulls life does go on, the world keeps turning and the sun rises in the east and still sets in the west.

I feel that lately I’ve been blown about by a mighty storm, my emotions twisted and torn until I was numb and couldn’t focus or feel on anything clearly. Some kind folk reached out to me but I think that I may well have come across as some desperate wretch and perhaps they feel that they are well clear of me, for this I’m sorry for normally I’m pretty grounded and not forthcoming with my emotions, so if I’ve offended anyone or caused you to doubt my intentions then please know I’m truly sorry.

The thing about emotional storms is that they can break things inside of you, just like a forest of trees that has stood for many a year when the conditions are right (should that be wrong?) and the wind blows in a way that the trees are not prepared for then they may well be toppled to rot alone upon the forest floor, never to recover just like broken threads in your mind if you let life overcome you.

A realisation has slowly been creeping up on me quite stealthfully lately, not for me those blinding flashes of realisation and inspiration. Nope, it’s just a slow dawning that life is not going to stop just because I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been aided in bringing my keel back on an even footing by a couple of unlikely sources. Firstly a fellow blogger sometime ago recommended to me a book (Damn, reminds me that I’m overdue answering your last mail – oops), far before my present troubles began, upon Buddhism. Now you all know by now that I take religion and the like with the largest pinch of salt, no offence meant to anyone and their faith but it’s just not me I fear. Now this book didn’t force anything down your throat it just put over points that you could take or leave and apply to your life, hopefully allowing you to become a better person. It piqued my interest and I’ve since acquired a couple more. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not going to start chanting or the like and meat n cider is still on the menu but without me first realising it they were having an effect upon me and have helped (and are still helping me) me to put so much of what’s been wrong in my life recently into perspective, they haven't cured my woes n ills but at least I've got a handle upon them. Secondly a few of you bloggy types have kept up a barrage of support and even though I may not have said so I have really lent heavily upon your words and come to realise that there are so many good people out there with hearts of gold and beauty in their souls. I guess that you know who you are so I won’t embarrass you by naming names, but thank you all the same.

Sometimes we all need to lean upon something...

So what’s with the blog title eh? Last post or what? Well if you read the title it’s the ‘last sad post’, my blogging was never about crying out for help and pity, no it was there as a way of reaching out to all and sundry and if I brightened up just one persons life then all my clumsy words and thoughts had actually meant something. So is this my last post? No it most certainly is not (sorry if that upsets you) but it will be my last sad post, for you all deserve to have a smile now and then as long as I can just do that I’ll keep on writing for you and sharing my world with you, but just the happy bits. Life is so, so short and you lot do not need the Grumpster raising his head and lamenting upon how shitty the lot is that he's has been dealt, no you deserve far better than that so come on take my hand and walk my journey with me, as the saying goes, 'it's not the destination but the way there that truly counts'. 

What's done is done and can never be changed, the future is hidden from us so all we can do is live life in the moment doing the best we can to make it bearable and good for one and all. That’s right your going to be stuck with me and my Anglo Saxon filled musings for some time to come…. Did I hear someone say bugger at the back just then?

Your friend,



Rachelradiostar said...

From one desperate wretch to another ....huzzar! You cheeky monkey...having us all read in horror making us think you are leaving us then hitting us with the good news bit! I do like a happy ending..... :)

Karen Thomason/Gordon Setter Crossing said...

Whatever dark place you were in, I'm sure it was bad, but it did not consume you. You are a survivor! Welcome back John.

Shoreman said...

Hi John. Glad you're feeling better. I knew you'd get through it and I'm sure the cider helped. Now, on to more trips to the woods with Willow and maybe a little fishing thrown in. Have to find out what kind of dog she really is. You know, trout dog, perch dog. You get the picture. Let us know when you find out, we'll be here. And it's a damn good thing it's not your last post. Might have had to yell at you.


Ian Nance said...

Look forward to your words. You craft them well.

John Gray said...

you are at a cross roads arn't you?
Not much I can say but seriously e mail me at

you are in a bad place and that can change... believe me.... I was a psychiatric nurse for years,,,, not that that counts for much,,,, but it does sometimes helps me through the black times...

e mail me... =

share a little.... ok matey?


Clif said...

You can take certain parts of the Buddhist thought and make it your life's philosophy. If you take it all, you've got a full blown religion.

Keep your meat and cider. Find a philosophy.

Le Loup said...

Good one mate.
Regards, Keith.

Dog Hair in my Coffee said...

“There is no better time than right now to be happy.Happiness is a journey, not a destination.So work like you don't need money.Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching...”

"The journey IS the destination."


"I haven't a clue as to how my story will end. But that's all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, you don't conclude the road has vanished. And how else could we discover the stars?”

Just some random quotes that seemed appropriate.

Bob Mc said...

Whew! Had me worried there for a moment.

Gorges Smythe said...

Abraham Lincoln once said that people are generally about as happy as they make up their minds to be. I believe that's true. Still, there's no disgrace in having some ups and downs; we all have them. Even though I'm now a Christian, in the past, I've read a bit about Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism, Shintoism and Hinduism. I even looked at the I Ching, but it struck me as being too much like a tabloid horoscope - vaguely worded to fit anyone. Obviously, I’ve concluded that Christ is the ONLY way to God, but still, each of the others, in their own way, may help some already decent people to become better. I’m glad you’ve decided to adjust your perspective and I look forward to reading more of your and Willow’s adventures.

Anonymous said...

*smiles, nods, and pats you on the back*

Time to carry on my friend.
Time to carry on.

Anonymous said...

John, I have enjoyed "most" all your ramblings and hope there are many more to come. You have enriched my knowledge of your life and countryside with compassion and your own personal style. It seems your thought process is coming full circle. Remember, to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you the flowers.

Damn The Broccoli said...

No rushes to reply mate, I'm an English Buddhist, I can wait for the Galactic Eleven!

Amazing Blog, for a supposed semi illiterate Anglo Saxon you have a bloody good way with words.

And here's to the newly refreshed point of view. It doesn't always work but I have found being able to laugh at anything has helped me get through everything so far.

We've all done the time at some point so we all know what it is like.

So these projects then? When we going to hear about them...

Take care mate.

Jennyta said...

Well that's a relief. I thought for a moment that you were going to stop blogging and I've only just found your blog, so I'm please that you will be continuing - so there! :)

bigcatdetective said...

You Tease!

Deus Ex Machina said...

John, it is never an easy thing to shift your perspective. But, you're turning the corner. Congratulations. I am not a religious type either, but my path seems to be leading me down a somewhat spiritual (note not religious) path. I guess we'll see where it goes. I look forward to hearing about your path.

Murphyfish said...

Thank you the usual suspects, I'll answer each and all a tad later but for now the trial is a calling (and Willow is a howling!)

gpc said...

Having crawled out of similar caves, I never doubted that you would see that chink of light. I am always glad to read your thoughts, whatever your mood.

Anonymous said...

As a great philosopher once said: When the Burlesque dancer's thong of life gets stuck between the arse cheeks of reality, sure you can carry on and shimmy; but it makes more sense to stop a while and pluck the damn thing out.
Words we can all take strength from buddy X

moschops said...

Hope the spring sunshine is with you too today.

You were lovely and made nice comments about me not being a moaning old at the other week, so here's some in return. If writing it down helps, then go for it. If people dont want to read your blog, they dont have to.

Just remember... this too, will pass.

take care,

megan xx

Kim said...

Good on you matey. Blogging is cathartic too I reckon. You'll be able to look back on this in a couple of months and see how far you've moved on. Baby steps eh? Good luck x

Badger Watching Man said...


Of course I don't mean it. I look forward to reading about your (continuing) adventures.

And the way I look at it, you don't live your life just to have something to blog about. It happens the other way round. Keep busy and everything else falls into place.

Murphyfish said...

Right o as promised I’m back with the replies you lovely, cuddly people you;-

Desperate wretch, ahem I mean Rachel,
Sorry me dear, but it did grab your attention for a moment there did it not?

Hi Karen,
Thank you my dear, I can always rely upon you for warm words..

No need to yell my man, not going anywhere for the moment – well apart from walking, fishing, perhaps a little shooting later in the year and of course the garage…I’ll keep you posted of course.

Thank you my man, praise indeed.

Hi John G,
To be honest it is a tad dark underneath it all but brooding upon it doesn’t help a great deal. I’ll drop you a line shortly, promise, although it may have to wait until next week.. But in the mean time many thanks for holding out a hand.

Hi Clif,
Wise words mate, wise words….

Thank you friend.

Hey Laurie,
Appreciated my dear girl, you are a ray of sunshine you know.

Sorry ;o)

Mr. Smythe,
It’s only my perspective that’s slowly changing, a guess when it come down to it whether it be religion, faith or whatever we all require something to grasp onto in the rough sea of life. I’m just taking on board what works for me from whatever source seems apt or right, otherwise I might well have lost myself under stormy waves.

I can still picture you as you speak those words, you’re and absolute diamond me dear.

Only ‘most’ and not all :o) only joking my friend, love that last line seems to sit just right with things at the moment.

Eh Up Damn,
I will write soon honest I will, oh there’s no supposed about it – spell checker is just about knackered on me PC!
Thanks, no really thank you so much, for your support my good man, projects? Well if you won’t tell anyone then I let in on the fact that project 2 is just about done and may get a mention in tomorrows planned post – yes I can plan ahead – sometimes – and it might not get written if the cider flows a little too freely tomorrow evening…..

Bloody hell me little fingers are even stubbier after all this typing!!

Only because your me dear, only because…; o)


Cheers my man, at least it should be an interesting journey for us both

Thank you me dear.

Strength in those words certainly, lol thanks me dear.

Thank you me dear, lovely to hear from you here

Baby steps?, it’s all me little legs can manage …

Too true life first then tell the world … on and bugger ;o)

Thank you one and all, tis very humbling to receive such words from you all.

Diane-Sage Whiteowl said...

Hey looks like you gotta a whole lot of people who cares for ya...count me in as one of them. Without knowing any details of your life I still know what you are feeling. IF you ever read my posts you'll find many that is walking along with yours. My world fell apart 2+ yrs ago and DAMN my life has been like a yo-yo and I finally ran out of band aids. I too did a post of enough is enough of my "sad" life. Saying all that I still had to buy more band aids BUT am using less and less. LOL shit still happens I just learned how to wipe better :)
Peace my friend

Murphyfish said...

Thank you Diane-Sage,
Learning to wipe better is a great way of putting it - and you know that I read your posts me dear, how could I not?

Wolfy said...

Always do whats best for you, John - we're just along for the ride.

but I'm glad the ride's not over.

Cheers, my friend!


Murphyfish said...

Thanks Joe, means alot

Meanqueen said...

I am not very bright, but has something happened? All these messages go right over my head, I need things spelling out to me, dumbo that I am. Anyhow, I am so pleased you are staying, whatever it was that caused the blip. I'll go back to burying my head in the sand and pretend nothing happened. Love your blog by the way.

Murphyfish said...

Nothing to worry about MQ, glad that you like the blog, hope that you'll stick around a while.