It has been what only can be described as a dark time for me lately; my thoughts have been tinged with the morose and with an enveloping sense of uselessness. As I gazed at and took stock of my time on this living sphere that we humans call earth I doubted that the last forty five years has made any difference to, well to anything. The world still seems to be slowly spinning to its death with all its life strangled and bled away by the parasite that is the human race. What you think that I exaggerate? just take a look at two pictures, taken twenty years apart, of the dark side of the earth and tell me that spread of ‘civilisation’ shown by the lights of human occupation is not very similar to the spread of bacteria in a laboratory phial! I let these thoughts cloud my vision, making me retreat into a shell of inactivity thinking what’s the point? After all I go to work, the grind, to earn enough money to buy food and material goods with no idea from whence they come or the effect of their production has on mother earth, after all everyone else does the same don’t they? So why should I be any different? Why should I care? What differences can one, slightly rotund, individual make? So what’s the bleedin point? Oh sure I’ve still functioned; work, eat, sleep, take Lucy out, say ‘I love you’ to Clare and then back to work yep I’ve functioned, hell fire what more could you want from me? I’m just doing the same as always, the same as everybody else, just waiting to die after living an average life and using the life and spirit of mother earth to fuel it without the scantest regard of what I leave behind me, hey the earth gets me body back in a box don’t it? So we must be even hey?
I’ve gazed back on the first forty five years of my life and I’ll be damned if I’ll let anybody tell me that there has been no point to it. Sure I’ve done my share of hurt to mother earth, yes I’ve caused pain and suffering to people, some who love me, some who despise me, some who don’t even know me and others who couldn’t care less, yes I’ve killed fellow animals and snuffed their life out not for the table but for the hell of it and now this fact hurts me more that the pain I cause any human! Yes the list of shit against me is a big one but I can say one thing and that is at least I’ve learnt from my past mistakes. Don’t get me wrong I ain’t asking for a pat on the head and to be told ‘well that’s ok then’, bugger that, I’m just saying that in the past I have done some (oh ok a lot of) bad things but at least I understand now the effects upon everything around me that they have had. Yes I work and grind in a factory to buy my and mine lives; food, clothes etc without appreciating the effects of where this stuff comes from, but I’ve provided a life for me and mine using the best tools available to me so don’t you go telling me that I’ve been wrong, the only thing that I’ve been wrong about is the fact that I can’t make a difference or change mother earths decline. All the mistakes and some good decisions (well I’m not a total idiot) in my life have made me who I am and when I look at myself without the gloom I’m not a bad person, just one whose followed the status quo of the pack and not brave enough to challenge it.
From what I can see the earth would be a far better place without humans so option one would be to shoot everyone. Then again that might not be the most practical solution after all, have you seen the price of ammunition these days? Then there’s airfares to consider, accommodation arrangements, passport control, toilet facilities, booking time off work (though I could take a couple of sick days I suppose) oh the list’s just is never ending! Seriously though, there are so many changes that I can make; from work to what I eat, from how I travel to well to many aspects of my life. It’s just a matter of taking the first, small, steps that will challenge the status quo and make the smallest of differences and then taking bigger steps to more change and hoping that others will follow in some small way. It’ll not be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is (oh ok cleaning Lucy after a walk ain’t too hard). I just don’t want the next forty five years to cause me as much doubt as the last lot has. Well I’ll step down off me pedestal now and thank you for your indulgence in at least reading this far. I won’t blame anyone who are thinking that I’m becoming a little up my self in my postings lately and knocking off that ‘follow’ button, but sometimes, no all the time, I find it far easier writing my feelings down as I have extreme problems in actually just sitting down and having a discussion which leads to many issues unresolved (just ask Clare), so for me this blogging is a revelation where I can put shape and form to my feelings. I hope that you’ll indulge me in the future and also help and teach me upon the trail that I’m trying to follow from now on. There are some, via their cyber scribing, that already have hung the lights showing me part of the trail ahead and to those I thank you. A trail that I hope will lead me to a much simpler life and one that will go a little way in repairing the damage done thus far, by myself and by my fellow humans. My postings may well change to accommodate this new trail, but hell hopefully it’ll still keep you entertained and raise a smile to your lips when you’re feeling low.
There’s little else to be said for the moment except a thanks to Casey who’s fast becoming a firm friend for life and a couple of words to Clare, my wife and soul mate;- I love you more than you’ll ever know.
Thank you all for your indulgence, your friend,