Thursday, July 15, 2010

The trail ahead.....

It has been what only can be described as a dark time for me lately; my thoughts have been tinged with the morose and with an enveloping sense of uselessness. As I gazed at and took stock of my time on this living sphere that we humans call earth I doubted that the last forty five years has made any difference to, well to anything. The world still seems to be slowly spinning to its death with all its life strangled and bled away by the parasite that is the human race. What you think that I exaggerate? just take a look at two pictures, taken twenty years apart, of the dark side of the earth and tell me that spread of ‘civilisation’ shown by the lights of human occupation is not very similar to the spread of bacteria in a laboratory phial! I let these thoughts cloud my vision, making me retreat into a shell of inactivity thinking what’s the point? After all I go to work, the grind, to earn enough money to buy food and material goods with no idea from whence they come or the effect of their production has on mother earth, after all everyone else does the same don’t they? So why should I be any different? Why should I care? What differences can one, slightly rotund, individual make? So what’s the bleedin point? Oh sure I’ve still functioned; work, eat, sleep, take Lucy out, say ‘I love you’ to Clare and then back to work yep I’ve functioned, hell fire what more could you want from me? I’m just doing the same as always, the same as everybody else, just waiting to die after living an average life and using the life and spirit of mother earth to fuel it without the scantest regard of what I leave behind me, hey the earth gets me body back in a box don’t it? So we must be even hey?

BOLLOCKS

I’ve gazed back on the first forty five years of my life and I’ll be damned if I’ll let anybody tell me that there has been no point to it. Sure I’ve done my share of hurt to mother earth, yes I’ve caused pain and suffering to people, some who love me, some who despise me, some who don’t even know me and others who couldn’t care less, yes I’ve killed fellow animals and snuffed their life out not for the table but for the hell of it and now this fact hurts me more that the pain I cause any human! Yes the list of shit against me is a big one but I can say one thing and that is at least I’ve learnt from my past mistakes. Don’t get me wrong I ain’t asking for a pat on the head and to be told ‘well that’s ok then’, bugger that, I’m just saying that in the past I have done some (oh ok a lot of) bad things but at least I understand now the effects upon everything around me that they have had. Yes I work and grind in a factory to buy my and mine lives; food, clothes etc without appreciating the effects of where this stuff comes from, but I’ve provided a life for me and mine using the best tools available to me so don’t you go telling me that I’ve been wrong, the only thing that I’ve been wrong about is the fact that I can’t make a difference or change mother earths decline. All the mistakes and some good decisions (well I’m not a total idiot) in my life have made me who I am and when I look at myself without the gloom I’m not a bad person, just one whose followed the status quo of the pack and not brave enough to challenge it.

From what I can see the earth would be a far better place without humans so option one would be to shoot everyone. Then again that might not be the most practical solution after all, have you seen the price of ammunition these days? Then there’s airfares to consider, accommodation arrangements, passport control, toilet facilities, booking time off work (though I could take a couple of sick days I suppose) oh the list’s just is never ending! Seriously though, there are so many changes that I can make; from work to what I eat, from how I travel to well to many aspects of my life. It’s just a matter of taking the first, small, steps that will challenge the status quo and make the smallest of differences and then taking bigger steps to more change and hoping that others will follow in some small way. It’ll not be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is (oh ok cleaning Lucy after a walk ain’t too hard). I just don’t want the next forty five years to cause me as much doubt as the last lot has. Well I’ll step down off me pedestal now and thank you for your indulgence in at least reading this far. I won’t blame anyone who are thinking that I’m becoming a little up my self in my postings lately and knocking off that ‘follow’ button, but sometimes, no all the time, I find it far easier writing my feelings down as I have extreme problems in actually just sitting down and having a discussion which leads to many issues unresolved (just ask Clare), so for me this blogging is a revelation where I can put shape and form to my feelings. I hope that you’ll indulge me in the future and also help and teach me upon the trail that I’m trying to follow from now on. There are some, via their cyber scribing, that already have hung the lights showing me part of the trail ahead and to those I thank you. A trail that I hope will lead me to a much simpler life and one that will go a little way in repairing the damage done thus far, by myself and by my fellow humans. My postings may well change to accommodate this new trail, but hell hopefully it’ll still keep you entertained and raise a smile to your lips when you’re feeling low.

There’s little else to be said for the moment except a thanks to Casey who’s fast becoming a firm friend for life and a couple of words to Clare, my wife and soul mate;- I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Thank you all for your indulgence, your friend,

John

17 comments:

2 Tramps said...

John,

We understand your angst - know that you are not alone. Must be our age that pushes those buttons that make us think differently...

You are accepted as you are and we won't leave should you change a bit...

Shoreman said...

You know John, it's not a bad thing to vent upon occasion. At least you have a lot of friends that listen.

Mark

CDGardens said...

Thanks for your rant. It enlightens me as a reader as to why you have needed some time away.

Sometimes I believe that our availability of second by second global news can bring anxiety. Especially now that we are able to see disasters as they happen...

My best to you in your quest to make a change.

Regards,
CDGardens

Karen Thomason/Gordon Setter Crossing said...

I'm not sure what to say, other than, I'm glad you're back. I do enjoy your blog. Good, bad, or indifferent, I enjoy your words. You add to the happiness of my day to day blogger life. I wish you happiness in return. ~ Karen

Murphyfish said...

2 Tramps,
If only knowledge and understanding was not a thing of age but a perquisite of being human from day one then perhaps there would a lot less in this world to feel pessimistic about, but failing that at least some of us wake up to smell the roses.

Mark,
Thank you for listening, I really don’t like feeling in such away that the need to vent my frustration is necessary but it’s nice to now that it doesn’t fall upon death ears.

Karen,
I’m happy that my usual ramblings brighten your day, me thinks that now I’ve released my pressure valve a tad that my words may once again have a touch of the carefree about them. Having said that I’m hoping that you and others will not mind too much if the direction changes a little….

CDGardens,
Apart from the sensationalism that modern news providers seem to prefer the availability of global news at least brings with it an awareness of some of the dire things that we do to our one and only sanctuary, earth. One bit of advice that was installed within my limited mind as a youth was ‘don’t crap on your own doorstep’, it’s a pity that the vast majority of the human race does not follow this and stop degrading the only home we have.

All,
Many thanks for you comments, it’s nice to now that my rant has not upset you with its smattering of Anglo Saxon. As I said in the post I’m hoping that my blogging friends out there can help me along this new path to a more simple and less harmful way of life.

John

Le Loup said...

I must admit I have had those same sort of thoughts in the past, but there is more to life than meets the eye. I have not told many this, but many years ago I actually saw an alien space craft up close here on my property, or at least within about 50 yards, close enough to know it was NOT a weather balloon! That sort of changed things a little for me, even though I already knew they existed, because I have often seen them in the night sky. This sighting though was in daylight, about 4pm on a winters afternoon.

Dog Hair in my Coffee said...

John,
I think that some of what you say is the same sort of quest I've been on. I just didn't actually realize the WHY of what I was doing until I turned around and looked back.
Raising chickens for eggs, for natural manure for my garden, having a garden, raising and growing some of my own foods in it, having a compost heap so that I don't add as much to the landfill, throwing things out to reduce the clutter in my home and life, knitting, crocheting, - all of these things add a little bit to our earth, and take away a little less. Enough to make a difference? Nope, definitely not. But enough to make me mindful? Yep. I guess if I had to state a goal for my life it would be to live as simply as possible. Read much, walk often, breathe, think, relax, love. The rest will take care of itself. I'm with you on your quest, whereever you end up!

Murphyfish said...

Hell fire Keith,
That was an unexpected comment, but knowing you from the exchanges that we have had I believe you one hundred per cent my friend. There are far too many things on this planet beyond explanation (the presence of mankind being one of them!) and have I read and listened to many accounts which make me sure that we are certainly not alone in the seemingly desert of space. I questioned myself as to post your comment or not, but hey sceptics be damned. I’d love to discuss this subject further with you at some point, maybe via e-mail my good fellow?

Hi Laurie,
I think that what you’re doing does make a difference no matter how slight, it just takes more of us to follow and cast off the shackles of the faster, bigger, better(?) culture that seems to drive everyman and his dog towards ultimate oblivion. Many thanks for your comment and support, your words “Read much, walk often, breathe, think, relax, love. The rest will take care of itself” certainly hit the bull’s eye, so onward together on this quest for a simple life.

Wolfy said...

You know, John, if you didn't care, and in some corner of your psyche didn't think that you COULD leave a mark and make a difference, you couldn't doubt the first 45 years. A written rant can, at least for me, be very cleansing. The truth is that, as much as I'd like it to be, the world doesn't consist entirely of fish, photo opps, and fine food and drink. It is a lot more about blood-pressure pills, aching joints, screaming idiots on TV/ work, feeling like there is no end in site to the day to day drudgery. My own opinion is that we all feel the way you do when we assess our own mortality. At least I do.

And, I would like to add, that while it may seem like you've not made a difference, you truly have. At least one person in Illinois, USA, - me - now has a direct connection to a couple and their dog in Wales. I enjoy reading about the day to day happenings, whether they are exciting or mundane. I've come to know the Wooldridges in my own little way, and on a certain level, like them considerably more than some of my neighbors. Prior to your blog, I never had a conscious thought about anyone or anything in Wales. I used to travel to the UK for work periodically (but haven't in the last 8-9 years) but find mysef wondering if there might be an opportunity to do so in the future, so I could meet this man, his wife, and dog.

So, for at least this one insignificant soul in the States, you HAVE made a difference. And I appreciate the opportunity to have your life become part of mine.

Thanks!

Le Loup said...

Life has enough twists and turns and exitement without the need to make things up John. Yes email me anytime, not a problem.
Probably fitting to quote "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Gallaxy" Life is knowing where your towel is.
Regards, Keith ;-)

Casey said...

Hi John! Keep us posted on the ways you find to bring a little healing to our Mother.

Myself, I have started carpooling to reduce my fossil fuel consumption, but still I have to use my car to get to the places I want to be. I am surrounded by corn and soybean fields - very green but NOT the most scenic!! If only I could relocate to one of many places; the ocean or mountains or boreal forest. Then work for myself somehow. That would be cool.

Keep in touch.

Casey

Murphyfish said...

Wolfy,
Thank you my friend for your words, I’m sure that there would a very warm welcome if you find yourself this way. I’m deeply touched by your comments (as well as those of others) and am immensely proud to have made even the slightest of differences, but please do not consider yourself insignificant in any shape or form.

Hi Keith,
Very true, life can be a bit little of a roller coaster; I’ll be in touch soon.

Hey Casey,
Just enough time to pass a few words, I’ll be digesting your new look page come Monday (half a day between shifts). I’m thinking of alternatives to where I work too, but after doing the factory grind for so long I feel that my choices are limited. But Ocean, forest or mountain? Now that would be living the dream. ‘Speak’ to you soon friend. But for now it’s time to hit the hay.

Regards to you all,

John

Bill said...

John, for a vent that was a very good read and I have to say that I share many of your same views.

I think my whole thought process changed when my father passed. It really hit me that "hey this is not forever". Seems I've been just trying to enjoy my life and where I'm at in it at the moment. What else can you do?

I often worry about what we're doing to this world and I figure any little thing I can do to have the opposite impact is worth it, no matter how small. Sometimes it just sickens me to see and think about what the human race has done to this place we call home all at the expense of "progress" so it seems.

Guess I went off on a bit of a vent of my own there. I hope some of this rambling makes sense and once again, nice post!

Murphyfish said...

Hi Bill,
Nothing wrong with having a little vent now and again. I think that if more of us gave a little thought to the 'little things' that can make a difference perhaps this could then collectively lead to bigger changes for the better, I guess that it's about awareness and being willing to attempt the changes, after all from small acorns.......

Badger Watching Man said...

Hi John

Well done for this post. It's a brave thing to do to share your feelings in public like this.

I share your concerns but I live in hope that the tide is turning. We're not there yet, but it is starting to turn.

And I think you're doing the most important thing, right here on the blog. Someone once said that people don't protect nature and wildlife and the outdoors because they don't value it, and they don't value it because they don't understand it and haven't experienced it. If you can inspire people to get up and go for a walk, or go fishing, then it's a step in the right direction.

Keep up the good work

All the best

BWM

Murphyfish said...

Hi BWM,

Thank you for tour words of encouragement, they are truly appreciated. As for the tide turning I’d like to think so but there are so many obstacles in the way, the first one I think is mankind’s lack of acceptance for his stewardship of the earth. Thanks again for dropping by.
Regards,
John

Damn The Broccoli said...

The argument about one man making a difference or not to me always misses the key point. It makes a difference to you if nothing else.

I am buddhist by nature, (not going to get into any attempts to convert don't worry, find your own path) and to me knowing that I did everything I can is all that is important. I will not sit in judgement of others whilst making the same mistakes they do.

But remember yourself in everything you do, if everybody tried to be as good as they can in everyway for themselves by default they end up helping everyone. It's such a simple truth that it is almost impossible to find.

Great blog though, made me think about myself which is always a good thing.