A Wish...

If the day before yesterday was the hardest day that we have gone through as a couple, since our eighteen and a half years together, then yesterday was the second hardest. We sat and talked of our loss, both smiling and crying at the many of Lucy's memories that we’d been left with. We both know that we’d done the right thing by her in her all too short time here, and that no dog could have given more love in return. 

If I am to take one thing from the gift of having Lucy as my companion it is her spirit for life. Lucy would not give up on the trail, on us or on anything that she attempted for that matter. She lived her life right until the end with joy, love and perhaps with just a touch of the devil too. To some she was just a dog perhaps, but to all who grew to know her she was so very much more.

I left the house early and loaded up the car heading towards the trails around Moel Famau, every action, from opening the tailgate to looking at the empty space in the rear view mirror brought a pang of pain and by the time I’d arrived my eyes were stinging with the salt of yet more tears. I walked for more miles than I have for a long time, passing so many places which brought visions of a thundering bog monster and her joyful spirit. The trials were foggy but there was no ‘spook game’ to creek my neck, just the silence such weather brings, with only some bare trees paying witness to my despondent passing.

As I came to the trail’s end I felt an easing, however slight, in my heart. I had not been alone after all upon the paths for the memory and spirit of Lucy had strolled along side of me, pushing me when I wanted to turn back, stilling my tears as I cried from the despair in my heart. She’s gone has my little girl, but her spirit remains out there on the trails where she waits until it’s my time to leave this world and once more tread new paths together, and until that time she’ll never, ever be forgotten.

This time of year we are asked what are our wishes and aims for the future ahead. I have only one; to live my life with the same spirit, joy and love with that our Lucy lived hers. 

We both would like to offer  heartfelt thanks for all the comments left upon the news of Lucy’s passing, each one helped a little and made myself and Clare understand a little that we are not alone in our love for Lucy – thank you all.

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Lucy 2001 - 2010

This is the hardest piece that I have ever written for today my beloved Lucy has passed on to new adventures. An exploratory operation this morning revealed a massive tumour and secondaries in her lymph glands and I made the heart rendering decision not to prolong her suffering. I would just like to thank all who grew to know and love her through my pale words and pictures. I do not believe that I’ll have the spirit or will to walk the trails or write again without my bog monster at my side, it will just not be the same.

Seasons Greetings

       Just a quick post to let you all know that Christmas may well have come a tad early for this bah humbug, the news about Lucy improves day by day and it looks as if the crises is about over. Apologies for being a tad reticent over posting and also leaving comments on you fine peoples blogs but as we all know life does get in the way. I'd like to offer my thanks once more for all your kind words and support for Lucy.


    Not sure that I'll be having too much time over the coming week to post so I thought that I'd get the goodwill to all my friends here in the blog worlds done afore I forget. 


So a very Merry Christmas to each and every one of you and may the New Year bring you everything that you wish for.

  See I can be nice


Your friend, John

Edge of the woods?

A heartfelt thank you for you comments upon the previous post, from both myself and from ol’ stinky herself. The last few days have been traumatic to say the least but all your words of support have been a huge help.

As for Lucy’s present state? Well the news so far is encouraging to say the least. The most recent visit to our vets, following a steroid injection, was anticipated with a sense of dread. Our vet, Mr. Evans, called us through ahead of others as soon as we entered the building. He repeated his previous examination of her abdomen with due care and attention. Now Mr. Evans is what you’d call ‘old school’, a vet of many years experience, totally trust worthy, he barely cracks a smile and his conversation is short and always to the point. Bearing this in mind his expression as he rose from Lucy’s side was most unexpected and could only be described as bemusement! His face slowly creased into a smile as he calmly stated “well that is surprising”. Expanding further he explained that the ‘thickening’ had reduced by a large amount, although there was still some to be felt, Lucy showed no sign of discomfort this time around (t,other day she nearly had his wrist on his first touch of her stomach) and was in much better spirits. He felt that an operation at this point would be unnecessary, although not yet out of the question depending upon her progress. More steroids and anti-biotic were prescribed with a new appointment this Friday.

Now I’m fully aware that the old girl is certainly not out of the woods yet, but there is a sense of tempered optimism here in our home. So with everything crossed that we can cross we wait for Friday. Once again I cannot express my thanks for all your kind words and support.

As an aside walking Lucy on the trails is not an option at the moment so I’m really not to sure what to post about for your perusal at the moment (any ideas welcome), so my postings may well be a little infrequent. Although I have opened up my other blog once more ‘Tales from the Fish’ to while away these cold evenings, so if you’d like me to attempt a story here, feel free to let me know of your ideas.

Again many, many thanks to you all my friends,

John 

Lucy

I have tried writing this post over and over but whichever way I try the words do not in anyway describe the inner turmoil and emotions twisting my stomach into knots this evening. So I’ll just lay down the facts and that will have to suffice;

Tomorrow Lucy, after a few days of illness, is been taken to the vets for a third examination within a week upon a ‘thickening/growth’ in her abdomen. This will determine if a steroid injection has made any change or whether an operation will be required to determine what action (if possible) may be taken. We are hoping for the best although it’s difficult with this cloud above us.

I hope that you’ll all understand if I give the blog a miss for a while, just finding that, without the wind in my sails, it’s losing its relevance and that writing is neigh on impossible..

Regards,

John

Between shifts

As most of you know I spend considerable time lamented ‘the grind’. Well nothing has changed there but just to explain ‘the grind’ consists of two 12 hour day shifts, 6am to 6pm. Which are then followed by two 12 hour night (ghost) shifts, 6pm to 6am. Then, according to the arse holes above er powers that be, 4 days off. Now I’ve tried telling them that finishing at 6am and then not getting home till 7am on the firsts of these does not really constitute a day off but ‘cause they don’t have to do this rota they don’t give a rat’s arse. Coupled to the fact that there is no way that this rota allows your body to get in any sort of rhythm, you know eating, sleeping, going to the toilet and that for the first couple of days off you feel like crap you may now kin while I’m not keen upon the grind (apart from the idiots in charge).

But this is slightly off tangent (again) and the real purpose of the post is to show you a couple of pictures from today’s walk ‘between shifts’. The walk was down at loggerheads, along side the river Alyn, not to far to travel. It’s a good place in the week when there are few people around, just to stretch the legs and clear the mind, and also get rid of a certain individual’s pent up energy.

Really fortunate this time as I managed to witness two adult buzzards feeding a juvenile (poor pictures – right at the range of my camera),  and a robin who managed to literally get under foot in his quest for anything my size eights may have churned from the snow.

On the way home I managed to spot a Curlew flying along side a hedge as we neared home, tis been over twenty years since I’ve seen one (sorry no picture).

Right now I’m going to tuck into a cider, apple and pork casserole that I’ve had bubbling away whilst out (must leave some for Clare), and then off to the first of the ghost shifts. But you know what? I really don’t mind, it’s on days like these that silver lining is a damn site bigger than its cloud.

Till next time,

John